30 Days of Thankful... Today is Day One!

I know it is November 3rd and I am just now posting Day One... I am not perfect... I get delayed... it will all work out in the end, promise!!

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One of the many things I have learnt over the years is that taking some time to reflect and refocus is not only good for one’s soul, it is good for one’s heart and head as well.

A few years ago I began joining in on the 30 days of thankful I saw happening on Facebook.  It was a good way to share parts of me.  I also found it to be a helpful and rewarding way to gain new focus on what was and is truly important to me.

This year I have decided to bring 30 Days of Thankful to the Blog as a writing series.  This will allow me to expand my thoughts on the things I am thankful for and work on my writing all at the same time!!

So… without further ado…

November 1^st, 2014… Day One

Today I am simply thankful to be alive.

No, there have not been any life threatening scares to bring on this thankfulness… just the need to express that I am thankful to be here.

Life can become so overwhelming, so full of the everyday and tunnel vision can set in.  I start focusing on just getting to the next day, just wadding through the mess.  I forget how special life is, how fortunate I am to be alive… dealing with the chaos and insanity of it all.  Life is fleeting… We never know if today is going to be the last day here.  It is easy to look past the frailness of it all when we are just trying to survive.

For me, I need to step back and celebrate each day, embrace my life, with all of its flaws and sharp corners and hold close the thankfulness I feel… to simply be alive!

I would love to hear your 30 Days of thankful, leave a comment, or a link in the comments to where we can find your 30 Days of Thankful!

Day Five - 6 Places

Places are more than just desired vacations spots…

Some places have meaning, some have value and some are not physical places at all, but a place or moment in time or in thought.  Places can be anything you want them to be.  The list of places I have never been is much longer than the list of places I have been.  The list of places I want to visit is much longer than the list of the places I’ll never go.

6 Places

1.       The front yard of Boobs old house.  This was our spot… this is where our whole group of friends gathered around the table, eating and drinking and laughing and being family.  The yard was always full with the kids running around and friends of all kinds shadowed by a 100 year old oak tree that housed a family of owls.  It is where we sat and shared our lives, where we watched our kids grow up, our husbands grow-up (and occasionally fall down) and where we could just be.  I sure do miss that yard.

2.       The walking path along the Boulder Creed in my home town of Boulder Colorado.  This is a path that stretches east to west through most of Boulder… and I’ve walked the whole thing (more than once) although admittedly not at the same time.  It will take you up the canyon to places like Eben G Fine Park and east past the High School and The Harvest House (I wonder if that is still the name of that place).  It’s where I spent so much of my life, walking, riding bikes, hanging out on the creek… going to the library or to the mall.  I kissed boys on this path and I got drunk on this path, I met strangers that became friends on this path.  I found nature in the middle of a city (well a city in Colorado terms) on this path.  If you’re ever in Boulder, you should go for a walk along the path.

3.       Rocky Mountain National Park (RMNP).  This place of majestic national park has always been within a 45 minute drive from me until we moved to Texas.  It is a magical place, full of amazing beauty.  Driving up Trail Ridge Road (the highest continuous paved road in the US), its winding turns and stunning views.  Snow walls reaching 22 feet some times (I have pictures).  Elk, Moose, Longhorn Sheep, Beavers, and Foxes… animals living as God intended.  Fall River Road, a crazy winding dirt road taking you up the back side of the mountain.  It was an annual field trip when I was in school, an annual camping spot with my family.  It was the first place “away from home” that I took all 3 of my children (they were all less than 6 months the first time we took them to the park).  It’s the place my father-in-law asked us to scatter his ashes.  I miss this place, its beauty and it’s place in my life.

4.       My Mom’s House!  It’s just one of those place people like to be, especially me.  It is warm and cozy and inviting.  It’s the kind of place that people want to sit around and visit, the house kind of wraps it’s self around you like a warm blanket.  As a teenager I could not wait to get out of her house.  I did not appreciate the home my mom made for us. Now as an adult I look forward to spending time at her house, relaxing, visiting, just being in the comfort of the home she has made.

5.       Disney World… I know, I know, it’s the happiest place on earth, of course it is one of my favorite places.  It really is though, a very special place to me.  It was the first real vacation The Hubby and I took together.  It is where he proposed to me for the first time.  It is the first place I ate at a 5 star restaurant or saw Cirque du Soleil perform live.  It is the place my little family has created memories we will have forever.  There is an enchantment about Disney World that I love.  I cannot help but smile and relax while sitting in a giant tea-cup spinning round and round or while riding a boat as pirates sing to me.  I love Disney, I love Disney World… It’s my place.

6.       You know that crook in your arm where a baby’s head fits just right?  Yeah, that place.  It has been empty for years now and most of the time the emptiness is okay, but every so often I miss having a little round head to fill that place.  I miss the moments of peace rocking my babies, their heads resting perfectly in the crook of my arm, their whole lives in front of them.  Someday the place will be filled with the perfectness of my grandchildren, and until then my memories will just have to do.

Day Four - 7 Wants

I've been a little under the weather, so I fell behind a day... but hey, health over all else right!

Everyone has wants... the list is usually long.  Wants are desires, wants are dreams and aspirations.
My list of wants far exceeds the 7 I have chosen to share.  My wants are big and small alike and I think they say a lot about who I am and who I want to be.

7 Wants

1. I want to write novels.  I have so many stories in my head and all I've ever wanted to do is turn those stories into books people would enjoy.

2. I want to spend a year doing a Eat, Pray, Love thing through Europe.  I am fascinated with Europe, with the cultures and histories and food and architecture.  A year probably won't even be enough.

3. I want a quiet cabin in the woods where I can live off the land.  To have a few acres tucked away somewhere in the Montana wilderness is my idea of heaven.

4. I want to own a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes, a Prada handbag and a piece of jewelry from Tiffany & Co.  because, well, every girl should have these items.

5. I want to eat at a Gordon Ramsey and a Guy Fieri restaurant.  These are my two favorite celebrity chefs.

6. I want to attend a presidential inauguration. It would not even matter if I voted for that president.  I just want to experience the pomp and circumstance of the ceremony.

7. I want to live a life that when I am gone, the people I left behind will be proud of the legacy that I left behind.  I want to ensure that the people I love will know I loved them and lived in a way to honor them and that I touched lives.


There are so many more things I want to add to this list... perhaps I will need to run this series on an annual bases just to get out all the things I want to share.

Day Three - 8 Fears

Fear is and one of those things I have battled with seemingly always.
Fear is crippling   and controlling.  Fear takes your power from you.

I wish I was fear free... maybe some day I will learn to minimize my fears or eliminate them, but until then...

8 Fears

1. I am seriously claustrophobic.  I fear small spaces, tight spaces and enclosed spaces.  I panic if I can't freely move my limbs.  You don't want to see me on an elevator, or stuck in a super small car and forget port-a-potty's.

2. Like other mothers I am sure, I have a real fear that my children will be harmed in some terrible way.  I don't keep them in a bubble, but my fears creep in when they are not near me.  The chance that something really bad would actually happen is slime I know but I fear that someone or something would hurt them, which would break me in a way I don't think I could recover from.

3. Flying Bugs reduce me to a crying, screaming two year old.  Flies, bumble bees and other small flying bugs I can tolerate (I wont cry), anything bigger than a fly and I crumble.  Grasshoppers, Tree Roaches, Large Mouths and Wasps will invoke tears and panic every time.

4.  I never thought I had a fear of death until one day while driving down the street my mortality seemed to smack me in the face.  Since then I find I truly fear dying.  What would my family do, who would take care of my children, would it hurt to die, where would I go.  Anxiety attacks usually ensue when I get caught up in this fear.

5. It is a completely irrational fear, but I am petrified of construction cranes.  Yes... Construction Cranes, and the taller they are, the more I really can't go ANYWHERE near them.  I do this thing where I try to determine my safe zone - how close I can  get to the crane without it actually falling on me.  I've had this fear since I was a young child.  I don't know where it comes from but it cripples me.  Getting to close to a crane always triggers an anxiety attack.

6. I worry a lot about the future, but I have an intense fear that I will go through life and accomplish nothing.  Yes, my children are miracle and something I will always be able to say I accomplished, and that should be enough... but it's not.  I fear I won't have accomplishments that help define me as anything more than a mom... and I need more.

7. I fear failure above almost anything else.  This is a deep deeded fear that has always been a part of me.  I would rather not do something than fail at it.  Failing is unacceptable, this was the cornerstone of my childhood and what has haunted me through my whole life.

8.  Birds... yep, I have a horrible fear of birds.  That is not to say I don't like birds... my favorite animal is a owl, I think birds are beautiful and enchanting... I just don't really care to actually be anywhere near them.  I won't get out of my car if there is more than one bird around.  I almost vomit if a flock starts flying around me.  If you ever see a grown woman running and screaming because birds are over head... that's me.

When I deal with these fears they are sometimes overwhelming and consume me.  Looking at this list, they don't feel so intimidating... that's got to count for something.

Day Two - 9 Loves

I have love for many things and even a few people.  The world is cold and brutal, love is what gives us warmth and security.

9 Loves

1.     J-Bird, The Boy and T-Dog, my incredible, beautiful perfectly flawed children who are my fuel and my passion. Loving them makes me whole.

2.     The Hubby - who I still find myself madly in love with even after almost 14 years of bliss!

3.     My Mom, Dad, Brothers and Sister - although our relationships have never been perfect, they are my family and my love for them fills my heart daily.

4.     The BFF Boobs! My Friend, My Sister, My Soul-mate. Life changes with the true love of a friend.

5.     Books - Yes - Books. I have had a deep and profound love for books since I was a young girl. I love the smell or books, the feel of books and all that books give us.

6.     A field full of Aspen Trees in the fall as there leave dance like gold coins in the wind. It's a place of m childhood, my teen-hood and my adulthood and it is where my soul can be calm.

7.     A dark room and a good playlist. It is like a reset button for my heart, mind, and soul.

8.     Owls!! I love owls! They make me smile any time I see one. They bring joy to my heart. They are my quan.

9.     Writing - I don't feel I am the writer I want to be yet, but I love putting words together to form thoughts that invoke emotion of some kind to someone, somewhere.

10 Day Challenge - Day One - 10 Secrets

From time to time I come across a topic or piece a fellow blogger has done that inspires me, or makes me want to do the same type of piece.
The 10 Day Challenge is one of those pieces. I followed Kelly at Debie Hive when she did her 10 Day Challenge back in March and I made a note to do my own 10 Day Challenge at some point...

I've had horrible writers block lately... completely unable to get any thought to translate to written word... so the 10 Day Challenge is really a perfect prompt to get words out right now.

This is the challenge:

It looks so simple, yet sharing so much about myself is not as easy as one would think.

That some point has come...

10 Secrets:

1. I wish every singe day that I could make a living doing the things I love.

2.  I am not the person I want to be, NOT EVEN CLOSE

3. I want to live in the middle of nowhere and live off the land.  I am not a Doomsdayer, just an introvert.

4. I am prepared to survive almost any kind of apocalypse. Again, not a Doomsdayer, just tend to over prepare.

5. I am a diabetic and I don't have health insurance.

6. I wish my kids were nerds... like "Revenge of the Nerds" nerds.

7. I have struggled with addictions my whole life.  Some I have overcome, some I have not, some are silly and some are dangerous.

8. I don't really like people all that much.

9. There are 3 things I wish I had an endless suply of: Yarn, Books and Jellybeans.

10.  There world scares me some days.

Phew... that was not too bad...

The Liebster Award

Y'all are never going to believe this... but Jenny over at Life With The Bearded J's nominated me for the Liebster Award!  I am truly honored Jenny, Thank You so very much!  Some times it is enough to just be nominated!!

Of course I am the girl who never wins anything (No REALLY... NOTHING... EVER) but who daydreams of winning!  I know my day is bound to come.  I've been practicing my autograph since I was 7 and I've got an acceptance speech around here somewhere... hold on... seriously... I just saw it the other day... where is it... of course, now that I actually need it I can't find it... I think I have it memorized though...

It is not everyday you get nominated for an award (or in my case EVER).  I am truly honored and blessed to accept this nomination.  There are so many deserving people who I owe a thank you too... Let's face it, a writer is only as successful as their readers make them.  I stand here (okay I am sitting, but same difference) humbled and blessed to have the best fans.  Y'all make this journey easier with your support, feedback and yes, even your friendship.  I know that my blog is just a blip in the Blog Universe, but someday, when I have hit it big, you, my fans will be able to say "I knew her when".
My acceptance speech would not be complete without thanking my amazing children J-Bird, The Boy and T-Dog.  Without them I'd be a hell of a lot skinnier, but nowhere near as complete as I am with them!  The Hubby of course get's a huge THANK YOU... for putting up with my craziness for the last 14 years, for allowing me to take some time to explore this writing thing and for giving me excellent material to write about.  I have to also thank my mom for the childhood that is the source of my crazy... and finally the universe for setting me on this path.  I can only write what I know, and thanks to the universe (or God, or whoever/whatever is in charge of such things) I know I have seen, smelled, tasted and touched more than I would have chosen for myself!  I am here because of all the bloggers before me who inspired and motivated me, as much as my family and fans deserve a thank you, so do they... Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thaaannnk Yoooouuuu (yes, I totally sang that last thank you!)

Okay, here we go with the questions Jenny picked for me to answer...

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE PAST TIME ASIDE FROM BLOGGING?
I love to crochet.  I know, a totally "Old Lady" past time... but I find it relaxing while being creative at the same time.  And YES... I know it is not an  "Old Lady" hobby, but you know you pictured an old lady in a rocking chair when you first read this!

IF YOU COULD TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME, AND DO ONE THING IN LIFE DIFFERENTLY WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHY?
This is a loaded questions for me.  I try to live by the idea that everything happens for a reason.  I also know that every step, every decision good or bad, every moment I've had, has brought me to this moment in my life, and even though life is not perfect and there are plenty of moments that I think about redoing... would I still be here, right now, with my incredible husband and beautiful children. As much as I think I could pin point a moment in time that I could go back to and change and still end up here... where I want to be... I don't know that I would want to risk the chance I'd change everything.  I know plenty of moments I'd relive, but not one moment in my life would be worth changing if it took today way.

WHAT IS YOUR MAIN GOAL YOU WOULD LIKE TO ACCOMPLISH WITH YOUR BLOG?
To be a voice that is heard!  What that voice says and what it stands for is still evolving, but I do know I want to be heard.  I want my blog to have a voice that might make a difference, might be a friend to someone in need or a lifeline for those sinking.  A voice that might entertain, or educate or provoke thought and debate.  It's one thing to make noise, it's  another to be heard.

IF YOU COULD HAVE LUNCH WITH ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE AND WHY?
I have had so many different answes to this question over the years.  As I've grown and evolved, so has my answer.  
We moved 1,000 miles away from the only home I had ever known 4 years ago and since then I have had few moments with some of my favorite people in the world.  If I could have lunch with just one person right now it would be my best friend Boobs (I promise she really is good with the nickname). I have not seen her since Christmas and even then there was so much drama going on we did not get much time with each other.  Boobs knows me better than anyone on the planet (yes, even better than The Hubby or my mom).  She has been with me during the darkest of dark days and is the ONE person that I know I can count on to be there for me NO MATTER WHAT.  She is my soul mate.  Living across the country from her has been painful at times.  We talk as much as we can, even if it is just for 2 minutes or 2 hours - we take what we can get.  A whole, long afternoon lunch with her would be just what my soul needs to feel whole for awhile.

WHAT INSPIRES YOU TO WRITE?
Everything inspires me to write.  I saw a psychic once who told me I had a story tellers soul.  My divine purpose is to share stories with the world. I have an opinion on EVERYTHING (really, everything), which gives me a point of view in which to write from.  I like the fact that I am inspired by the world around me... it means I can always find something to write about.

WHAT IS YOUR BLOGGING ROUTINE?
I don't have a bogging routine, I probably should have one, but I don't.  I try to write every day, it does not always happen though.  Is a routine important?  Should I make this more of a priority? OMG... have I been blogging wrong?  Anxiety is kicking in... shit.

WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WANT THE BLOGGING COMMUNITY TO KNOW ABOUT YOU?  I am a work in process.  I am still discovering what my voice sounds like and how to translate what I want to say into words people will understand find value in.  Be patient with me as I grow and evolve and I will make it worth your wild.

WHAT IS YOUR FONDEST CHILDHOOD MEMORY?
I am the oldest of 4 kids who for the first 15 years of my life were raised by a single mom.  We never had much and my mom worked a lot.  When we did do something special, she went all out to make is as memorable as possible.  My fondest memory from childhood is Christmas morning... any year of my childhood.  No matter how tight things were, no matter how little she would tell us to expect, Christmas morning was always met with celebration and surprised.  Everything always looked magical, with full stockings, a beautiful tree, presents dressed like art, special Santa gifts, the smell of Christmas in the air.  We never felt disappointed, never felt unloved or forgotten.  As a child I had no idea how hard she worked to pull it all off, what she sacrificed, what she begged and bartered for to ensure that all 4 of us kids got what we wanted.  She made Christmas magical and left a lasting impression on me.

IF YOU WERE NOT DOING WHAT YOU DO EVERYDAY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING (FOR WORK OR FUN)?  If I was not the Homemaker and Part-time customer service agent I currently am... I would be a full time, PAID writer.  I would like to be a columnist, featured writer or even a novelist (I really want to be a novelist).  I have always wanted to write for a living - but life had other plans for me and I've pursued other career paths over the years.  It is my goal in life to get paid for doing what I love, and I love to write!!

DESCRIBE YOUR FIRST "REAL DATE", THE ONE WITHOUT CHAPERONS?
I am pretty sure I was 14 when I went on my first real date.  I had a steady boyfriend, in fact we had been together for over a year when the parents agreed to let us go on a date unchaperoned. We went to see a play that a few of my friends were in.  We took the city bus after school (my hometown has an excellent mass transit system that everyone uses) to the mall, where we had dinner at this local diner that was across the street.  It was an old school diner where the waiters still had to serve on roller skates and they had the best homemade malts ever (the diner was torn down a decade or so ago... made me sad to see it go).  My mom gave me money that morning before I went to school, telling me "a girl should never assume a boy will pay her way".  My date did pay though, I remember how proud he looked handing he money to the waitress.  After dinner we walked the three blocks to the warehouse that had been converted to a theater.  We held hands as we walked and may have stopped a few times to kiss a little.  All during the play we held hands and I rested my head on his shoulder.  Our parents had raised us better than to make out in public, but we certainly sat closer to each other than we would have had parents been present.  We certainly stole a quick kisses more often than we would have if parents were present.  I remember thinking how cool real dates were.
After the play we walked back to the mall with a few of our friends to get frozen yogurt.  We were the only couple among our friends that night.  They were envious we were allowed on a date without a chaperon of any kind.  Their envy created a lot of pressure actually... like we were being tested, like some how we could fail and never be allowed to date again.  We had fun, we were relaxed together, but we had been a couple for a year already so it was second nature to spend time together.  The pressure our friends seemed to bring was unexpected, but we survived.  My mom was picking me up from the mall that night, so before I knew I had to go outside to meet her, we stole off to a private corner to spend a few minutest saying good night..  We had been alone before, nut never like this, never without a friend close by or a parent or teacher close by.  Those stolen moments are still some of my fondest memories even all these years later. When my mom picked me up I guess I was grinning from ear to ear because she laughed and asked if I had made her a grandma.  It had been a perfect night, the perfect first real date!  We managed to stay together (admittedly off and on) for 5 more years and among my best dates in life he holds the top spots still.

Now that the fun part is over... 
Part of being nominated for the Liebster Award is to nominate other blogs.  I follow many blogs., they feed my lust for reading material and inspiration. These are a few blogs I feel are worthy of a nomination:
A Day in the Life of a Drama Queens Mamma
Life of a Traveling Navy Wife
Mother of Serendipity
Murphy UnCut
Tracy on the Rocks

Okay, the following are the 10 Questions I would love for the Blog Writers I've nominated to answer:

1. Why did you decide to start a blog?

2. What song best describes you?

3. Favorite Jolly Rancher flavor and why?

4. Name the one book that has had the most impact on your life?

5. The one place in the world you've never visited but that you would like to and why?

6. If you could have anyone (currently living) write your obituary, who would it be and why?

7. It's the zombie apocalypse and a swarm is headed your way, you have One Minute to gather everything you can carry (don't worry, kids, spouses and pets are safe), what do you grab and why?

8. What 3 lessons do you thing every child should be taught?

9. If you were to write a book, what would you title it and why?

10. Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

Official Rules of the Liebster Award

If you have been nominated for The Liebster Award and choose to accept it, you must write a blog post about the Liebster award in which you:

1. Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link back to their blog on your blog.

2. Display the award on your blog — by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget” on your sidebar.

3. Answer the 10 questions about yourself provided to you by the person who nominated you.

4. Nominate 5 – 10 blogs that you feel deserve the award. (They must have a less than 1000 followers.)

5. Create a new list of questions for those bloggers to answer.

6. List these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here.)

7. Once you have written and published it, you then must inform the people/blogs that you nominated and provide a link to your post so that they can learn about it (they might not have ever heard of it!)