Another Sunday is upon us and once again I am linking up with More than Cheese and Beer for Sunday Confession. This week the prompt: Open...
Opening up is not always that easy. Opening up is not always the better option. There are times when keeping things tucked deep down inside is really the only way.
I would like to open up more, to share more of my thoughts, my feeling and my opinions...
But doing so exposes me in a way I have not found a way to be completely comfortable with yet.
Opening up exposes flaws, weaknesses, faults, secrets... cracks in an armor thought to be strong and secure.
When emotions and feelings are more enemy than friend, opening up about the battles that rage in the nooks and crannies of ones soul is not that easy.
Although I crave to share what goes on in my heart, my head, my soul... to let those around me see all of me and not just the parts I am okay exposing... I know that more times than not it is better to keep most of what I feel, what I think, what I want tucked away
There may come a day when I find the confidence to share in a truly open way. To not fear exposure and the rawness that will come with it, until then though, the most personal of my feelings, thoughts, desires and secrets will be safe in the Pandora's box deep in my heart.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Sunday, February 15, 2015
It's Sunday and I am linking up with More than Cheese and Beer for Sunday Confession. This weeks prompt is Pull and in honor of Valentines Day I wrote something for the man I have loved for the last 15 years and plan to continue to love for the rest of my life.
He pulled me to him, engulfing me in his embrace, pulling me from my world, shattering my reality, rewriting my destiny.
I knew at that moment, as he pulled my heart to his that I would never again not have love in my life. He was my future, my partner, my belonging. As the years have passed, I have never once thought of pulling away. He is my heart. He is my light. He is my life. Every time he pulls me to him, engulfing me in his love, I remember our first embrace, that first pull, that moment that changed everything, that instant that sealed our fate.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Remember when you were a kid and you and your friends would try to get the teeter-totter to balance perfectly even by putting even amounts of weight on each side? Who knew that seeming innocent playground activity was actually teaching all of us the difficulty in finding balance in our lives.
You would think that at this point in my life I would have a better grasp of how to balance it all… yet I struggle – every day – with finding balance in my life. It is not just the balance between work and family either. There is this ever present struggle to find a balance between all aspects of my world. To find balance between the needs of those I find myself charged with and my own personal needs. To find balance between my obligations as a mother and my obligations as a wife. There is a regular struggle to find a balance between doing what it is I need to do for my family and doing what it is I want to do to achieve dreams and personal goals.
My life is a teeter-totter and I am continuously struggling to prioritize in such a way, in all aspects of my world, to get that perfect even balance.
When I was a much younger woman, I figured by the time I had reached this stage in my life, I would be a pro at the balancing act. I was of course naive enough to believe it all got easier as you went along.
Now as the sun is setting on my 30’s, I often find myself completely out of balance and wondering what, if anything would balance actually achieve. Is finding balance really a resolution to the constant chaos I feel my world is in? Will balance bring me peace? Will balance give me more time? Will balance bring with it a sense of completeness?
Instinct tells me balance is important, that it will indeed bring me peace and give me more time and will allow me to enjoy a completeness about my life… but I can’t know that for certain.
I have no personal reference to draw from when it comes to finding balance. I don’t know anyone who has got the whole balance act down.
To me, balance in life is as elusive as Big Foot or the Lock nest Monster. People talk about it, people spend their whole lives searching for it… but does anyone ever achieve it? Sure, some claim too, but people also claim to have found Big Foot or seen the Lost City of Atlantis.
I have had glimpses of balance of course… moments where I was sure I had managed to put equal weight on each side of the teeter-totter… those moments unfortunately where just that – moments – never lasting long enough to gain any real experience from, and never encompassing all aspects of my life, just portions of my world I was sure I had gained some control of.
There is some hope that as I move into my 40’s, I will continue to gain knowledge and perspective and slowly even the scales, slowly place the right pieces on each side of the teeter-totter and discover the elusive balance I search for. I would like balance in my life and I think my life would like having balance.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
This week I am linking up with More than Cheese and Beer for Sunday Confession. This weeks prompt is Whine.
Please stop your whining.
Your life sucks, I get it.
Your hate your job, your house, your car, your friends and your family.
I've listened to you whine about your clothes, your hair, your body and your health.
You've whined about your relationships, your past, your future, your lack of a life.
There isn't much in fact that you have not whined about.
Here’s the deal though…
You need to stop whining and DO SOMETHING about all the things that have you so unhappy, so stuck in whine mood.
It’s okay to be unsatisfied with your life… this is what should fuel growth and inspire change. Don’t just accept the way things are and live in that misery…
IT’S TIME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
So instead of focusing on all the negative I seemed to be swimming in, I chose to focus on finding some positive!
Sometimes finding positive can be really hard when even the air you breathe seems to be full of negative.
Searching for positive can be like walking against the current of a fast moving river.
It takes work to find the positive that will change the energy around you.
Well yesterday when I was trying to find positive things to focus on the song “My Favorite Things” from the Sound Of Music kept popping into my head. It was as though the universe was pointing in me the direction that I should be heading, to find the positive I needed.
I think sometimes we (or maybe just me) forget about the little things that make us smile or warms our heart. Our favorite little things that can make a frown turn upside down by their mere existence.
Favorite things are all those positive little things that keep the joy in our hearts, even on sour days when negative seems to be everywhere… if we just remember to look for them. I decided to take a minute and make a list, a reminder list of some of my favorite things, as a way to drowned myself in positive… and it worked, I was in such a better mood after I wrote this list!! So I am going to share my list… to spread the happy positive thoughts I created!!
Here are some of My Favorite Things
· The smell of fresh cut flowers or fresh cut grass
· Strawberry Banana Shakes from Steak’n’Shake
· The teeny tiny cuteness of baby feet
· Towels fresh out of the dryer, soft and fluffy
· Christmas Morning
· The Denver Bronco’s (Forever Blue and Orange)
· Snow Capped Mountains
· Pumpkin Patches
· A good strong cup of coffee
· A field of Sunflowers in full bloom on a summer morning
· The sound of kids laughing
· Falling asleep next to my husband
· Justin Timberlake (either singing or acting)
· Watching Pitch Perfect (can’t help it, it is joy to me)
· A tall glass of Ice Tea with fresh lemon
· Pear and Grapefruit flavored Jelly Belly’s
· Watching Fireworks
· Reading a good book in a comfy chair
· Fresh squeezed Lemonade
· Coffee date with Boobs (that’s my BFF!!)
· Grape Jolly Ranchers
· Soft cushy slippers
· Hot bubble baths
· Shoes of all kinds
· Snuggling with my kids
· Almond Joy candy bars
· My Mom’s Carrot Cake
· A warm oversized hoodie on a cool fall evening
· Tea Cup Pigs
· Camp Fires
· Rainy Fall Days in my hometown
· When the Aspens start to change
· Going to a Colorado Rockies Baseball Game
· A night out with my friends
· Playing shuffle board
· Hot Apple Cider and Cinnamon Whisky
· Going to a concert (any music will do)
· Disney World
· Marathons of my favorite TV Shows
· Homemade Guacamole
· Anthony Bourdain
· Vail Colorado in the Summer time
· Family dinners
· Effarins Chicken Chimichanga with salad
· Fighter Jets (YES, REALLY)
· Erie’s Homecoming Parade
· Yarn (balls and balls of yarn)
· A sweet potato with caramel sauce and marshmallows from Texas Road House
· Taking pictures
· A new purse or handbag
· A cozy corner in a book store
· Taking my kids to a book store
· Shopping with my daughters
· Tulips and Daisy’s together
· Dancing while cleaning the house
· The way I feel after I get a mani/pedi
· Watching the Olympics
· The smell of fresh rain
· Friday Night Football Games
· Shopping, any kind of shopping
· Craft Shows
It is amazing how much better I felt after writing this list… and I felt like I could keep listing things.
You never realize the kind of things that make you happy, bring joy and positive energy to you, and until you sit down to make a list!
All that negative I was feeling yesterday just melted away with each favorite thing I wrote down.
It was such a great feeling to all but demolish all the negative I was chained to and find the positive energy I needed to have a better day!
Sunday, January 11, 2015
I feel as though I've lived several lifetimes, all within this one life. Each has had its own ups and downs, its own story lines, its own characters. Each one of these life times have taught me its own set of lessons, given me its own set of memories and its own unique experiences.
Each life time has also come with its own potential regrets. I use the word potential because truth to told...
I have no regrets. Are there things to regret? Yes, of course there... let me explain...
Each step I've taken, each choice I've made, each direction I've turned has led me to the place I am at today. My life is not perfect, there is still plenty of work to be done... but I like who I have become so far and this in-progress journey has given me my children, my husband the flawed but powerful and beautiful relationship we have.
The paths I have followed, the life times I have lived this far, they have taught me and molded me. I know that I have not always made the right choices. I have reacted to life in immature and irrational ways far too often.
I've walked the wrong paths. I've denied myself choices that seemed selfish but could have been empowering. I have lied to advance myself.
There are far more things I could regret than I care to admit... but I chose not to harbor regret. It is not that I don't feel bad about my poor behavior or amiss decisions.
I have spent years working on finding forgiveness for myself and understanding that the past can't be changed, regret changes nothing.
Regret weighs on a heart. Regret weighs on a soul.
Regret leaves a person tethered to an unchangeable past.
I cannot change my past. I don't have the ability to alter choices already made. Regretting the choices made only keeps me in a past that was unhealthy and destructive and only breeds harm and despair.
Regret is a prison to me, a constant reminder of failures and faults that con not be altered and I refuse to be a prisoner to things I cannot change.
So instead of regretting all there is to regret... I forgive and let go. This is my choice, a choice I am confident and secure with, a choice that allows me to say I have no regrets... and know it is the truth.
Friday, January 9, 2015
I currently have 4 different pieces that I am writing... and yet I have nothing ready to post tonight...
Its okay thought, right?!?!
I mean, I am writing, I am working on putting together pieces with substance and girth and not just random ramblings from my mind to feed my desire to post to my blog on a daily bases.
I want substance.
I want to share cohesive thoughts.
I want to write pieces that people actually want to read.
I want to draw people to my blog.
I want to share real emotions.
I want to share real thoughts, real opinions.
It is not enough anymore for me to just write something every day... no I need to write real pieces every day.
I need to actually write an "article" (because I don't know what else to call it) and not just put a bunch of words together and hope it makes enough sense for people to want to read it.
I have far too many opinions, far too many stories and issues that stir emotion in me to not write things full of all that I have to offer.
So tonight is the last night I write some random ramblings... tomorrow I give you substance!