Monday, January 5, 2015

I Have A Reason for My Resolution

There are actual reasons for why I made one of my New Year’s Resolutions to write something on my Blog every day. 
 I know, can you imagine, actual reasons for a resolution!

Writing is important to me... it is the outlet for the voices that are a constant in my head.  I make myself sound down right nuts... I am not. The voices are not those of a crazy person... just a person with a lot of thoughts, and an abundance of anxiety and maybe even a soul's worth of wisdom.
Writing is my way of getting my voices heard... and to maybe, just maybe finally work through emotions and feelings that I have spent a life time trying to avoid.  I don't do feelings, I have even wrote about how much I rather hate feeling things.  It is not healthy to not feel, I know this... I have thousands of dollars’ worth of therapy sessions to show for how much I know about avoidance and emotions.

I have to let out what I feel.  I cannot go through my life any longer refusing to deal with emotions, refusing to deal with feelings and issues that bring up emotions and feelings.  

So if I have to start to feel, then I need to write... writing helps me feel.  So if I need to write to deal with the feelings... what better resolution than to say I am going to post something to my blog every day.  This puts me in a place where I have to find something to write about... and as I write, feelings start to come out and I start to deal with things.  

My often irrational brain is always looking for the rational reason for doing everything that I do.  I have to put a rational thought behind feeling, since I really don't like to feel and don't often do it willingly.  I love to write, I feel free when I write, writing is safe for me, so my irrational brain gets that writing is a safe way for me to let feelings out.

It's not easy to feel for me... I am great at avoiding it.  It is not easy for me to commit to writing every day, I've tried before and failed.  This is truly a challenge for me, to take the time to put thoughts into words that make sense and open myself up to feelings... everyday.  I may fail... I may only last a week, or a month... I don't want to fail though.  

Being a writer is my dream and the only way I can really become a writer is to write and let others read it.  My best source of content is from within, you know all those feelings I try to avoid.  It is time to marry the two and start to achieve this goal to become a writer... all while getting these feelings and emotions I keep bottled up out.
See, I totally have a reason for this New Year’s Resolution.

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